The Little Cottage in the Woods

Last year Brian's great aunt Doris passed away at 99 years old.  She lived in the most quaint little cottage at the edge of the state forest.  Brian's great uncle Alvin (aka Ally) built the home, the bridges, and all the beauty around it.  The pond was the ice pond that Brian's great grandpa (Albert, who immigrated from Northern Italy) dug out from the stream.  They dug out the ice from the pond during the winter and used it for refrigeration during the warmer months.  It was later that Ally took over the property and built a home on it and turned it into a very magical place.

After Doris' passing, her home and beautiful property was sold to a good family friend.  It was hard to see it go, but we are very fortunate it was sold to such great people who will let us visit there often.

During one of our visits there in May (before the sale closed) I snapped lots of photos; wanting to capture that lovely piece of property and family history for us to remember.  These photos were taken on Mother's Day this year.

These next few photos were taken when I jogged up on my morning run one day in May.  The pond was very still and the light radiant that morning.

I Love You, Mom! And Other Musings from a Grownup Daughter.

My mom is an amazing woman.  She's taught thousands of people how to read and write.  She's served hundreds through serving in church.  She is a strength and an example to me.  Here are a few of the many things my mom taught me that help me a be a better mom.

(All photos are from when we were together in Texas recently.)

I can do hard things.

While I was little my mom worked full time and earned a graduate degree while still fulfilling her motherly duties at home.  When I was 12 years old my parents divorced.  When I was 14 my mom lost her job.  We had no income for a year; she was the main provider for the four youngest kids still living at home.  When she wasn't diligently searching to secure employment she volunteered and helped teach young mothers, who had been addicted to drugs, how to mother to their babies.  When she finally found employment she had to secure 3 different teaching positions in order to pay the bills.

My mom can do hard things.  She works hard and she figures out how to make it through life's challenges.

Although my challenges right now are very different from what I saw my mom experience when I was a child I am reminded that I, too, can do hard things.  When I stand fearful, or feel like I am failing at all that the Lord has handed me, I stop and remind myself, "I can do hard things."  It empowers me to continue to work hard and be the mother I want to be, especially when it all feels too difficult.

Stay close to your sister(s).

My mom has 3 younger sisters.  I love my aunts and adore them. One of the reasons is because I feel like they adore me.  But the main reason...is because they bring my mom so much joy.  Growing up I would wake up Saturday mornings to the sound of my mom's laughter.  Many an early Saturday morning my mom spent chatting with one of her sisters on the phone.  She was always in a good mood those days.  My mom is happiest when she is in the company of her sisters.

I love and adore my older (and only) sister.  Even though I don't have the opportunity to call and chat with her early Saturday mornings I am always uplifted when we do chat and love the frequent texts and love sent to my phone.  She makes me laugh, she offers good advice (even if unsolicited at times...she is my older sister after all  :)), and she offers a different perspective on life's challenges.  I am a better mom because of my relationship with my sister.

Use peanut butter when necessary.

When I was bouncing off the walls, as was common in my rambunctious youth, my mom would make me sit down on a kitchen chair and hand me a spoonful of peanut butter (all natural, of course).  I was not allowed to get out of that chair until the spoon was clean.  It never felt like a punishment, just a cool down time.

I forgot about this perfect "calm down" gem until recently.  What an amazing trick!  It takes my kids so long to work through that spoonful of peanut butter that they calm down.  It's slow and methodical.  It's a diversion rather than a punishment.  Simon likes it so much that he usually asks for a spoonful of peanut butter whenever I pull out the jar.

Often, it's the simple things that can make all the difference in a child's (and mama's) mood.  How much happier we all are when a spoonful of peanut butter is consumed rather than yelling, "Stop doing that!" or "Calm down!" Motherhood is about creativity and finding uplifting ways of discipline rather than constant threats of punishment.

Mom, I love and adore you!  You have taught me so much and are such a strong, awesome woman.  Happy Mother's Day to THE most amazing mom in the world!!!

The Perfect Evening

While we were staying on Sand Key in Clearwater, Fl we had one of those evenings to remember.  It was dinner time, I had the quinoa boiling in the rice cooker.  Brian ran out of the hotel room to get something from the car.  All the kids rushed to join him--any excuse to get out.  From the parking lot Brian called up to our balcony, "Romeo, oh Romeo..."  "Kiasa, come on out for a little walk.  It is so beautiful!"  I strapped my sandals on, did a quick check of the rice cooker and headed outside to meet them.

It was a perfect night!  Overcast, slightly breezy, but warm.  We dipped our feet in the warm pool and chased each other on the cool green grass.  It was perfect!  The kids had big smiles and perfect rosy cheeks.  It was so perfect we decided we should run to the beach and dip our toes in the Gulf.

I was a bit hesitant because, even though our hotel was right on the beach, the water was about a 1/4 mile away (or so it seemed).  But we danced our way to the water with the warm breeze blowing through my hair and the giggles of the giddy children playing in my ears.  We were the only ones on the beach.  The sun was setting behind the heavy clouds.  The colors were magical: grey, pink, aqua, and purple.

I grabbed the boys and stripped them of their pants before they even touched their toes to the water.  (I have learned my lesson: they never just put their toes in.)  Isabella glanced up and down the shore and then asked if it was okay if she took her pants off too.  I helped pulled her jeans off over her sandy feet.  And they were off.  All three chased the tiny gulf waves in and out, running too and fro.  So happy and giddy.  I briefly disappointed because I had failed to grab my camera*, or even my phone, for my "brief" pre-dinner walk outside.

I paused took a deep breath of the fresh, salty air and just watched and listened to the kids.  This was their moment.  Memories were being made.  Their freedom and happiness filled my soul.  It was perfect!  Everyone was so happy; not just in their smiles, but the sparkle in their eyes, and the movement of their little bodies.  Their bodies exuded joy and touched my motherly heart.

I didn't want the moment to end.  It was so perfect!  But my motherly wisdom told me it would be best if I ended it before the kids fell into the chilly water and we had to walk back wet and tearful.  As the sun was setting even farther I called out, "Two minutes!"  I gathered their pants off the sand and less than a minute later (I kid you not!) both boys had been knocked down by a waist high wave and were crying.  As Brian and I laughed at the irony and scooped them up Isabella tripped and fell into the water as well.  Overtired tears and screams ensued.  And that once pleasant walk to the beach felt like a grueling mile trek all the way back while hauling wet, whiny, damp children.

It was so perfect!

*All the photos were taken two weeks prior, when we stayed one night in the same hotel.  But it was so very cold and windy (for Florida) that day.  We liked the hotel and beach so much we decided we needed to return once the weather was warmer.  We are so glad we did.

The Original Southeast States Tour Route

Middle of southern Florida.  The endless, flat croplands reminded me of the San Joaquin Valley, where I was born and raised.

This is the planned route we settled on before we took off on our adventure a few weeks ago.


View Larger Map

Several things have already changed and more changes are expected.  For example, we decided to hightail it to Florida to warm up.  We have spent a lot of time here seeing a lot of this beautiful state, playing on the beaches and swimming in beautiful pools.  Then we plan to go to Charleston, SC on our way back north, when it's warmer than 55 degrees.  There have been and will be more stops than what is indicated, but this is just a guide.

It's fun to see how this map is morphing into our life.  I love that this guide is what we are living and making into memories.  This is a quick look at our amazing, ever changing life.

Nomads

We are nomads.

nomad \ˈnō-ˌmad\
1. A member of a group of people who have no fixed home and move according to the seasons from place to place in search good grazing land.
2. A person with no fixed residence who roams about; a wanderer.

Driving from Georgia to Florida

 Two months ago we renewed our lease for our apartment.  Once December 1st rolled around and we were still living here it was a bit monumental: this apartment became our longest lived in residence.  We just passed the 2 year mark.  In 10 years of marriage we have lived in 8 different homes.  That doesn’t even include the 2 furnished apartments we sublet during our first few months in New York.  Come to think of it, neither of us have lived anywhere this long since we left home to go to college.  Actually, my family moved a few times when I was teenager, so I’ve been moving around since I was 15!  That means Brian and I have been living a nomadic lifestyle for the last 20 years.  We are often looking forward to what is next; what will fit our needs best.  And usually, with each move, we tell ourselves, “Let’s try this just for a year.”  That’s how this whole living in NYC business started 8 years ago.

We were living in Pittsburgh at the time and were at a crossroads.  Our lives were ours and we were ready to take on an adventure.  During our last year in Pittsburgh we would frequently have discussions that would go something like this:

“What should we do after Pittsburgh?”
“Wouldn’t it be fun to live in NYC for a year or two?!”
“Yes!”
“We’ll go to NYC for a year, have some fun and figure out what we will do next.”
“Yeah, before we have kids.  There’s no way I’m having kids in NYC.  Then after NYC we can settle down and start a family.”
“Awesome,  Let’s do it!”

Eight years and 3 babies later and we are still here.  We are still trying to figure out what we will do next.  We are still loving the adventure of living in NYC, for “just one more year”.  For the record, a lot of families we know (some with 6-7 kids!) came to NYC with the same mindset: go to NYC for a few years for school, or work, and then move out and start a family.

The question is, where does one go after NYC?!  After living here (the greatest city in the world), the idea of moving to suburbia doesn't feel like a lifestyle we will be able to embrace.  

Yes, I regularly dream of a home where our daily rhythm can flow from outside to inside as needed and of carefree summer evenings, playing with the kids on a cool green lawn until it’s time to tuck them into bed.  I long to be able to step outside my door and take a deep breath of quiet, fresh air.  I hope to grow a large, delicious garden someday. I still believe that time will come. I was born a country girl after all.

Brian and I frequently discuss, and plan, on finding a place that we can call home for more than 2+ years.  A slower, possibly simpler, lifestyle is appealing during this season of bearing, raising, and growing our sweet little ones.  We have been searching for some deep, rich soil in which to bury our roots.  But we have not found that fertile ground yet.  Until we find it we will continue to move, to be nomadic, in our own, modern way.  We will continue to search for what is best for our family at each time and season in our lives.  Because, so far, with each move, the grass under our feet becomes greener and our lives are more rich because of it.

Blueberry Muffins

I found this post from two years ago still in draft form; never published.  But I still love this muffin recipe, so I thought I'd share.  Enjoy!

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I LOVE blueberries. Growing up I didn't think much of them. All that we had in California were tiny, tasteless balls that were super expensive. Then Brian took me blueberry picking in Glastonbury, Connecticut--his hometown--a few weeks before we were married. WOW! It was absolutely amazing. Heavenly, really. Not only was the experience wonderful but the blueberries...WOW!...were fantastic. Handfuls of huge berries full of sweet, fragrant juice would fall off the bush as I went to grab just one. Brian took a some videos of us picking the summer I was pregnant with Isabella and very few of the berries actually went into the bucket. They were so tasty.

These muffins are good and pretty healthy. I think next time I'll cut back a bit (1/4 cup) on the sugar. I found the recipe onAllrecipes.com. Also next time I will only put in 1 cup of blueberries as suggested. Since I love blueberries I dumped a bunch in, but then the muffins were too moist. The berries I used were picked last summer and frozen.

Health Nut Blueberry Muffins

3/4 cup all purpose flour
3/4 cup whole wheat flour
3/4 cup white sugar
1/4 cup oat bran
1/4 cup quick cooking oats
1/4 cup wheat germ
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 banana, mashed
1 cup buttermilk*
1 egg
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup blueberries
1/2 cup chopped walnuts

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease muffin tin.

In a large bowl, stir together all the dry ingredients. In a separate bowl combine the wet ingredients. Pour the wet into the dry and mix until just blended. Then gently fold the blueberries and walnuts into the mixture.

Bake for 15-18 minute or until the tops of the muffins spring back when lightly touched. (It took my muffins almost twice as long to cook. Probably because I used large, frozen blueberries.)

*I rarely have buttermilk, so I just put 1 teaspoon lemon juice in 1 cup of milk and it works well.

The List

biking 300 miles from Pittsburgh to Washington D.C.
it took us 6 days and a whole lot of ibuprofen

Since this blog is a record of our crazy-awesome lives I feel like I should include the items from the list I made nine years ago.  What amazes me is these items are not little things.  Some are major, life changing accomplishments.  And, this list was simply a brainstorm!  At the time, I was working on putting together some New Year's resolutions and I made a list of some things that I might want to work on that year.  I had intended on picking a few and working on them.

• live in New York City (This was #1 on my list!)
• be a good mom (I am so blessed to have my 3 little ones!)
• be a wonderful wife (hopefully!)
• run a 10K race (After last year's half marathon, 10K's are so easy now!)
• be a bike rider (300 miles Pittsburgh to D.C. definitely counts)
• be a good cook (Brian has been pleasantly surprised)
• keep in touch with old friends (thank you facebook!)
• have a garden (I have always had at least some herbs growing in my windows)
• travel to Europe (we spent a month in France & Italy in 2004)
• go sailing (I've been on a couple of schooners, which totally qualifies in my book)
• know my ancestors (Isabella is named after her great, great grandma; whom I've learned much about)
• learn a different language, go to that country and speak it (Spanish=Guatemala, Italian=Italy)
• teach  (check!)
• take lots of photographs (this list was pre-digital cameras.  Crazy, right?)
• visit family often (this has been a priority for Brian and me)
• eat healthy foods (I'm amazed how much healthier I eat now)
• learn to sew (wow!)
• see Niagara Falls (Brian and I did this for our first anniversary
• stay in a cottage by the sea in Maine in the summer (this was so specific, but two summers ago we did it, thanks to Brian's aunt Marjorie!)
• go to Vermont (I love Vermont!)
• have a passport (yup!)
• have my own business (I still can't believe this one!)

Some items that I am still working on, and will perhaps always work on (in addition to some already listed above):

• be positive
• have charity
• have strong muscles
• smile
• know the scriptures well
• attend the temple regularly

In the next few years I hope to check these ones off:

• go snorkeling in the Caribbean
• go to Victoria, B.C.
• go to Navoo
• live in a home with a big yard and lots of sunlight
• play my violin for others
• learn to play the piano
• go rafting through the Grand Canyon

After reviewing this list several times I want to make a new one!  I had no idea the power that comes from writing these things down.  I'm going to start a new "Life List" today.

On Becoming

Cinque Terre, September 2004

When post-Christmas winter hit I felt down in the dumps!  Completely unhappy!  It was awful!  One day it all came to head.  I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  My pity party lasted all-day-long.  And my poor family had to deal with it.  I was at my whit's end with so many things in my life. I was done with myself and all my inadequacies.

I had angrily concluded that, "There is no way I will ever be able to become the person I want to become!"  I threw out tons of projects I had hoped to accomplish someday. Hoping that action of tossing stuff would stop me from dreaming of that idealistic person.  I wanted to stop dreaming of that person I thought I should be.  That perfect woman that is not me.  I had hoped that throwing out stuff would be cathartic and heal a piece of me that felt wounded.  It did not.  I still felt anger, bitterness, frustration.  I was in the depths of despair because I was not who I wanted to be!

That night I slept.  And, though, it was only the usual few hours, I felt a bit better in the morning.  The kids and Brian were still sleeping so I took some moments for myself.  I grabbed an old notebook off the shelf and sat on the sofa.  With my pen in hand I thought about what I needed to do to find myself again; how I might find peace with myself.

I opened that notebook, thumbed through some old pages, looking for a fresh one to jot some thoughts on.  One page caught my eye; a page I had written some notes on nine years ago.  It was a page full of thoughts, similar to what I was about to write.  It was a simple brainstorm of potential goals--about 30 items.  It was January 2003; I was a newlywed, living in Pittsburgh.  I had titled it Things I Want To Do & Become.

I scanned the list.  Within moments big, huge tears rolled down my cheeks.  The anger and frustration vanished.  I was humbled.  The peace came.  The answer to my longing was right on that page I had written nine years ago.

I had accomplished almost every item on that list.
I became the woman I wanted to be.
I am that woman!  

That spry, young, 24 year old, who wrote those goals almost a decade ago has become the woman she wanted to be.  She became someone greater than she ever thought possible.  I know she would be amazed.  I know she would be proud of me. 

And, so with the blessing of that forgotten page, I begin again.  I have learned a lot about progress, patience and how God works quietly and constantly in my life.  He is in the little details; shaping me day by day.  God is ever present and it is only with His help and guidance that I have accomplished so much and become who I am.*

And now I'm ready to continue to conquer the world.  I can and I will!

...one tiny step at a time.

*I have reread (and love) Dallin H. Oaks' talk The Challenge to Become.  He says, "We must not give up hope.  We must not stop striving.  We are children of God, and it is possible to become what our Heavenly Father would have us become.


After publishing this post I decided to publish the list I had made nine years ago.  You can find that list here.

Attitude of Gratitude

Today I am so grateful for a warm, heated home.  As we came home from church this afternoon the bitter winds bit us to the bone.  It was so luxurious to walk into our warm apartment.  

Growing up our home was only heated by a wood burning stove in our family room.  Even though it was California (northern!) it was very chilly most or the winter and that stove took a while to warm up the living area.  As I walked into our apartment today I thought how nice it is to not have to gather and chop wood, build a fire and wait for our home to warm up.  I feel so rich and blessed!  (Dad, thanks for building such wonderful fires in that wood stove.  I still remember your "newspaper logs".)

I just checked the weather and it is 17 degrees outside.  With the windchill, it is 4 degrees.  Lovely!

Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend … when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present—love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness]—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth.  ~Sarah Ban Breathnach

Isabella, My Joy!

Brian put this video together last night. I watched it this morning and I loved it so much I cried all the way through! Isabella loves it too...of course! (Although she was a bit confused why I was crying.)

Into the Past

I was attempting to organize my photos a bit and came across some of these. Wowza! Time flies. Isabella as a baby--two years ago--seems like forever in my memory. But last year, walking through the puddles near the Harlem Meer, that just seems like last week.

April 2007

April 2008

April 2008

April 2009

California Moments, part VI

The Final Photos!

Isabella misses her cousins Mary and Emma! She talks about them everyday!

With my dad & Nikki at their home in Modesto. My dad has converted most of his backyard to a beautiful, food producing garden. Very inspiring!

These are just a few photos I took after the funeral service for my Aunt Nancy. As sad as it is to loose Nancy I'm grateful that her battle with cancer is over. And I really enjoyed gathering with family and friends to remember her sweet, wonderful life.

Nancy in Guatemala, loving the little children.

I can't believe she's TWO!!!

How did this happen? Where has the time gone? I can't believe Isabella is two! The baby in her is fading more each day and a sweet, spunky little girl is emerging. So sad and so fun all at the same time.

I can't help but remember two years ago. She's a girl who likes to take her time and do things her way. (Favorite saying right now, "I do it!") She was born 10 days late (with the help of some natural induction techniques) and didn't even show signs that she was ready to be born until three hours before she was finally out at 10am on a Saturday morning.

Isabella Margaret Carini is named after two amazing women. Isabella is her maternal great, great grandmother who has been deemed a saint in my family; must be where she got her sweetness from. Margaret is her paternal great grandmother who is a spitfire woman, full of life and vigor; must be where she gets her spunk from. ;)

Isabella has brought more joy and love into our lives than we thought possible. How can such a little human bring so much life and light into our hearts?! What an perfect miracle and amazing blessing she is!

Some favorite things:
"I do it!"
"a Bella." Not commanding, but stated as a matter of fact.
"Oh boy!"
"funny"
"whalk"..."steirs"..."and" She prefers to walk down the subway stairs, holding my hand, rather than being carried in the stroller. This rarely happens but is requested every time.
"NOON!" She gets so excited on the rare occasions we spot the moon above the city buildings.
"See it." When she hears something she often wants to see it...which isn't easy in the city. There are a lot of sounds and few open visual spaces.
She is a fabulous helper: "backuum" vacuum, "poon" putting the clean spoons away, "push" pushing the full laundry baskets into the elevator and down to the basement.
"Tank ou!" 'Thank you' is rarely prompted anymore but frequently given.
"dan" She loves to dance in circles on her own or with daddy.
Her many facial expressions lately are priceless. Oh, how I wish I could capture some with the camera.

Thank you Minde for the fabulous cupckes at the playground!

Daddy + Bedtime

Silly gnome baby!

When Brian gets Isabella ready for bed it's all fun and games! Isabella's favorite spot lately is our bed. She loves to pull up the covers to her waist and sit and read books. It's pretty cute. (Probably because we often have the air conditioner on in there.) It reminds me of growing up and how my siblings and I use to pile onto my mom's bed Saturday mornings. We would just hang out, laugh and talk and then we'd go make waffles or something like that. Oh wait! We still do that (when we visit)!

Berry Picking

Cousin Roman

I LOVE blueberry picking!

Isabella finding her treasure.

Spencer, Brian's brother, with his loot.

Isabella loved the tart raspberries too. I couldn't pick them fast enough for her.

Cousins Devon & Roman raspberry picking.

YUMMY!

The first time Brian took me blueberry picking I knew I was in love. The most perfect moment was when I was crouched in a field of blueberry bushes on the top of a hill in South Glastonbury over looking the lush, green hills of New England. Then popping a warm, sun ripened blueberry (the size of a grape) into my mouth. The flavor, texture, and whole experience was amazing. Oh, sweet blueberries, I love you so!